after all is said and done, there’s always that moment when you feel so sad that physical weakness takes you over. you’re so exhausted because your mind just keeps racing, switching from the happy moments to the ones that should have served as red flags. then there’s the moment, as you’re going through the motions, that you stop to notice the weakness. you realize you can’t hold yourself up so you kneel in the shower, sit on your legs, support yourself on your arms and cry. when your arms get tired you just lean over completely, and you can’t tell water from tears. you don’t want to think. you don’t want to hurt. you don’t want to pray. you don’t want to blink. all you want to do is stop being nauseous and you want the world to fade and for everyone to be gone.